page 7

(ulrich schnauss - a million miles away)
What is this that sits between and silences? A kind of oil that cannot be grasped, only inferred. The slippery simplicity between events. Isn't there something there? Or just the endless fractal sizing of smaller and smaller chaotic dynamics? Is this the surface of the pool of my dreams?

A man awakens, says he is awake, and in so doing, immediately returns to sleep. What is this quick, traplike foolishness? I have been there. Perhaps the question you really can't answer yes to is, "Are you -awake-?" I put my head down and lean forward.

Today is a sunny, windy, slow day in Tucson. It's Easter and so I can't get anything done. So I go tearing down the wide, lazy streets, atop my bike between earth and sky, pants, t-shirt, gloves, helmet. Already I've been back only for a little bit and my friends are telling me not to die again. They need to stop doing that. Well, now I know. It's not their will to keep me alive, anymore, and if I ever have to die, even if it's doing this, I will. So I hummed and sang, and sliced the meager Sunday traffic into little pieces.

Now I know, as I get farther and farther out. A wave of pressure and wind around me, a distance very few can span. It makes me an incomprehensible alien to drivers, and to those who've had less miles on their machines, it makes me seem just a little bit distant. You could say it's conceit, but that's where I'm at, and it's why on this machine, I am alone except for the one who sits behind me and holds me down at the hips. Up ahead, I can see the ones who have had tens of thousands of miles pass through them. They're not as far away as they used to be. I'm so foolish.


sakura

Lyrics:
词：acchu iwata
Music:
曲：nirgilis

夢心地の朝一番に
yumegokochi no asa ichiban ni
There's a dreamlike feeling at first, in the morning

差し込んだ光と終わってしまう恋
sashikonda hikari to owatte shimau koi
The light that shone in, and the love about to end...

明日からは別々の道
ashita kara ha betsu betsu no michi
From tomorrow on we go our separate ways

てそんな突然心の準備が出来ない
tesonna totsuzen kokoro no junbi ga dekina--
But my heart can't prepare itself so quick--

深すぎて
fukasugite
Too intense--

直接心に触れられない
chokusetsu kokoro ni furerarenai
It can't touch my heart directly.

Cherry blossom
Cherry blossom

手を振る君の肩に
te wo furu kimi no kata ni
My hand on your shaking shoulder

サヨナラFALLIN LOVE
sayonara fall in love
Say goodbye--fall in love.

Cherry blossom

独りきり
hitorikiri
All alone,

吐息が紡ぐメッセージ
toiki ga tsumugu messeji
A sigh spins a message into thread:

サヨナラFALLIN LOVE
sayonara fall in love
Say goodbye--fall in love.

聞こえるかな？
kikoeru ka na?
I wonder if you can hear me?

空っぽなこの広い世界に
karappona kono hiroi sekai ni
To this hollow, vast world,

語りだす瞳は　あのままで・・・
katari dasu hitomi ha ano mama de
My pupils speak out "that way"...

僕は見つめ　そっと微笑む
boku ha mitsume sotto hohoemu
I stare intenly and smile quietly

なんでそんな　シャンと立っていられるのかな？
nan de sonna (schoen) to tatte irareru no ka na
Why can't I be standing so beautifully?

縮まらない
chijiimaranai
[This world] It won't get any smaller,

何かを僕らは知っていたの？
nani ka wo bokura ha shitte ita no?
But what did we know about it?

Cherry blossom

どこまでも
doko made mo
No matter where it goes to,

舞い散る君の声に
maichiru kimi no koe ni
To your dancing, scattering voice,

サヨナラFALLIN LOVE
sayonara fall in love
Say goodbye--fall in love.

愛おしき
itooshiki
To this sweet

この空へ
kono sora he
sky

吐息が紡ぐメッセージ
toiki ga tsugumu messeji
A sigh spins a message into thread:

サヨナラFALLIN LOVE
sayonara fall in love
Say goodbye--fall in love.

Cherry blossom

途切れない
togirenai
This uninterruptible

悲しみの果ては　どこ？
kanashimi no hate ha doko?
sadness, where does it end?

サヨナラFALLIN LOVE
sayonara fall in love
Say goodbye--fall in love

Cherry blossom
Cherry blossom

涙　すべて忘れて
namida subete wasurete
Forget all your tears,

今からFALLIN LOVE
ima kara fall in love
and from now on fall in love.

届きますか？
todokimasu ka?
Will this reach you?

The more I translate what I've heard,
The more I learn about the things I already know.

"Into a sea of waking dreams, I follow without pride."

I remember I was at N___'s once, and something came to me. I'd heaped the hot sauce into my burrito, far beyond any amount I'd ever done. As I ate, my entire mouth, lips, tongue, and throat numbed. But I was stoked for this experience, and I continued. And I passed through this barrier of heat, and I was able to taste its flavor. One of the best tastes that I have ever experienced. It is similarly so with riding a motorcycle. There is a barrier of fear that, once passed, connects you with the motorcycle. "Trust your tires," he said. And so I leaned out toward my mirror and grasped the bike.

I wonder if there'll be any good stories to come out of this. I'm no more than a dust mote in the wind, on an earth that's smoother than marble. Were it not for this great, glistening, glowing web that begins in our minds and connects us all, changing and distorting our world through the half-seen, half-remembered lenses of our confused, shared understanding, there'd be no weight with which to proclaim myself important. Because there's no truth or modesty in a continual humility of self-understatement. All I have left is the knowledge that you're only as important as the ones who love you think you are--and what that belief means, again, through their lens. And learning to see through the lens of another was the single greatest thing I ever gained into myself in this world.

So if there'll be any stories to come out of this, they'll probably be stories about others. Because mine here is an interminable series of exits, ramps, roads, and meditations. Some kind of road I have to keep following, until, of course, I get to its end. The things that have changed are magical and incredible. I'm seeing things I never thought I could have seen. For the wall on which the image is projected on through these dark pools has become...

As you look through the microscope, do you not also see the movements of the smallest things on the surface of your own eye?

I only hope I can read truly the movements of others'.