(kings of convenience - I don't know what I can save you from)
The New M______ desert is windy, cold, and sunny. I've never been so confused this way. I rode at a 15-20 degree angle at times, the wind clubbing me on the side of the head. And you can only get clubbed on the head so many times before you ask what the hell is going on here.
But I've asked the wind before, and it always answers the same way. And it could be worse. When a tumbleweed strikes the wheel of an SUV, it explodes. I don't understand the songs of the wind. Even my own storm isn't over. I think this because I would rather sit and storm than be without you. Well, I know I can't undershoot too many things. So I'll just have to tuck down a little more, and see if I don't burn myself out too early.
I'd blame the wind, but I'm learning, more and more, every day, that all the demons and problems are all in here. They're in this bubble under the windscreen, just as far as I am. It's me. I'm a wreck, mentally and physically, but somehow, I'm still alive. And I know that you are the one who makes the storm quiet, and makes all of the pieces in my life whole.
So if I'm not able to take away all your pain, sadness, and confusion, then what am I good for?
Nothing.
Probably the manly-est thing you'll hear me say for a while.
(kings of convenience - know-how)
So I can tell you how this is going to work. I'm going to take the bit in my teeth (because I'm sure as hell not holding the reins) and ride, and make it all the way to I______. I'm going to fix my bike, and I'm going to take a grinder to me. I'm going to find all the holes and cracks that the rain and wind keep slipping and whistling through, and I'm going to go all the way through all of them, and find out everything about them. I'm going to train, and I'm going to practice. And when I come back, I'm going to be more than a leaf on the wind. Because I've had that luxury far too long. It's time for me to show some steel.
Love, joy, and, as always, admiration,
and a lot more.
-T.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
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