Yet this time it feels good to have that disconnected feeling, your feet not yet touching the ground. That uncalibrated, messed up dislocated feeling like you've never left also feels like you're not really here, makes the buildings small and the place far away, not surrounding you like maybe it does.
Like this, 'among friends,' out of context, or maybe in context, it's hard to remember what to feel. Everything mediated, the ways you express yourself to friends. Who you are to them. Like this, it's hard to remember what I was doing or what I've done. What to do now.
But there's things I am to do. I just have to remember how to get back on track here.
Feeling outside the inside, I notice I'm kinda strange, you know?
Aw. How silly.
...
(obokuni euemi)
There's not enough silence. I wake up and quicker than ever the dream diffuses and shatters into space, and my handwriting in the dark's not legible to me in the morning light anymore.
When you maneuver in traffic there's another source of slippage, the inconstant continual interaction. Another distraction to make you lose your momentum.
If you add it all up, the sum is not everything that's happened.
It's just the entirety of the confusion we all feel, just individual pieces hunting for a path ahead, when forward is wherever you're going. I press my face to it, I let it run through my head, not trying to hide.
I live hard, headstrong, leaned forward, nothing in the sight ahead of me but the path. At times I glance up and see the sun, the sky, the clouds,
At times, I see the faces of the people, and their eyes.
A single point moving in the flow of things, something you follow with your eyes for as long as it touches you.
Have I touched you? I hope that one day soon my path will lead me closer to you and alongside you for a great while.
But I don't get to pick. All I can do is live with what I am, what I do, what I've done. I choose unaware of the moment of choosing and follow along the path that is created under my every footstep.
Maybe I'm just the same as you. Maybe we're both very different. Maybe my broken rhythm will never line up with your unterminating beat.
But I would like to make a wonderful song with you, that plays through every part of you, and me. Every cell, alight.
So from here I will fold up and sheathe myself. I will try not to talk too much and I will keep my wings well hidden. Like this the days will roll over and through me without breaking too many of the memories in between.
Like this one day when I see you again you will see the same light in my eyes, unchanged. Like this I will always have in me, who I am, the place that contains you, me.
One last time, for a time how long,
I do not know,
I love you.
Goodbye? Hello?
Love, joy, and admiration.
Take care.
http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/ViewAlbum.aspx?a=387926
(midicronica - san francisco)
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