Saturday, October 4, 2008

page 12

Say goodbye to the river. Say goodbye to Michelle, who told me what a Tennessee Walking Horse is.

I'm so stoked for -everything-!

Phil plays and sings (foo fighters - times like these) on the borrowed acoustic.

Say goodbye to the hills, say goodbye to the trees. Say goodbye to the air, say goodbye to the wood.
Say goodbye to the land, say goodbye to the bees. Say goodbye to the eyes of those you met.
Say thanks. Because you rode on those eyes as much as you did on anything else.

Phil quits the song, drops to D, and starts singing about the Dragon because Mike is stoked about how he's still alive. Power chords.

Tail...of the Dragon! (all 3 sing)
2x

I don't know, what I saw, before I hit that tree,
I don't know, what I saw, was pieces of me.

Laughter and we quit.

Ride out of the mountains and make the long trek back. Tell no one what you saw, in the way that you know you really can't.

Phil starts singing Pink Floyd.

Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb...

Gets a few lines into it and forgets the rest, switching to Hootie and the Blowfish.

I, wanna run with you...

Live like this for a while. There's lots who don't know shit about their bikes, about the road they're on, about their lives. And you can go quite a ways without any of those things. Without a thought in your head.

But you push it to the edge and see what bleeds out from there, well...

Hahaha.

You'll see.

(Phil says this one always gets the girls)

Took my love, and I took her down...

...

(heart - love alive)
In these days that have gone by, I am less and less surprised by the face that looks back at me in the mirror. I think that this is because the inner face is expressing itself more and more, coming forward. The throttle's almost all the way open, baby. Let's see how long I can keep this up. You'll see when you meet me again.

...

(uematsu nobuo - frontier village dali (piano))
His good qualities, and the favour of the caliph, occasioned the
sons of emirs, and other officers of the first rank, to be always
about him: his house was the rendezvous of all the nobility of
the court Among the young lords that went daily to visit him, was
one whom he took more notice of than the rest, and with whom he
contrasted a particular friendship, called Aboulhassen Ali Ebn
Becar, originally of an ancient royal family of Persia. This
family had continued at Bagdad ever since the conquest of that
kingdom. Nature seemed to have taken pleasure in endowing this
young prince with the rarest qualities of body and mind: his face
was so very beautiful, his shape so fine, his air so easy, and
his physiognomy so engaging, that it was impossible to see him
without immediately loving him. When he spoke, he expressed
himself in terms proper and well chosen, with a new and agreeable
turn, and his voice charmed all that heard him: he had besides so
much wit and judgment, that he thought and spoke of all subjects
with admirable exactness. He was so reserved and modest, that he
advanced nothing till after he had taken all possible care to
avoid giving any ground of suspicion that he preferred his own
opinion to that of others.

Being such a person as I have represented him, we need not wonder
that Ebn Thaher distinguished him from all the other young
noblemen of the court, most of whom had the vices which composed
the opposites to his virtues. One day, when the prince was with
Ebn Thaher, there came a lady mounted on a piebald mule, in the
midst of ten female slaves who accompanied her on foot, all very
handsome, as far as could be judged by their air, and through
their veils which covered their faces. The lady had a girdle of a
rose colour, four inches broad, embroidered with pearls and
diamonds of an extraordinary bigness; and for beauty it was easy
to perceive that she surpassed all her women, as far as the full
moon does that of two days old. She came to buy something, and as
she wanted to speak to Ebn Thaher, entered his shop, which was
very neat and spacious; and he received her with all the marks of
the most profound respect, entreating her to sit down, and
directing her to the most honourable place.

In the mean time, the prince of Persia, unwilling to lose such an
opportunity of strewing his good breeding and gallantry, adjusted
the cushion of cloth of gold, for the lady to lean on; after
which he hastily retired, that she might sit down; and having
saluted her, by kissing the carpet under her feet, rose and stood
before her at the lower end of the sofa. It being her custom to
be free with Ebn Thaher, she lifted up her veil, and discovered
to the prince of Persia such an extraordinary beauty as struck
him to the heart. On the other hand, the lady could not refrain
from looking upon the prince, the sight of whom had made the same
impressions upon her. "My lord," said she to him, with an
obliging air, "pray sit down." The prince of Persia obeyed, and
sat on the edge of the sofa. He had his eyes constantly fixed
upon her, and swallowed large draughts of the sweet poison of
love. She quickly perceived what passed in his heart, and this
discovery served to inflame her the more towards him. She arose,
went to Ebn Thaher, and after she had whispered to him the cause
of her coming, asked the name and country of the prince. "Madam,"
answered Ebn Thaher, "this young nobleman's name is Aboulhassen
Ali Ebn Becar, and he is a prince of the blood royal of Persia."

The lady was transported at hearing that the person she already
loved so passionately was of so high a rank. "Do you really
mean," said she, "that he is descended from the kings of Persia?"
"Yes, madam," replied Ebn Thaher, "the last kings of Persia were
his ancestors, and since the conquest of that kingdom, the
princes of his family have always made themselves very acceptable
at the court of our caliphs." "You will oblige me much," added
she, "by making me acquainted with this young nobleman: when I
send this woman," pointing to one of her slaves, "to give you
notice to come and see me, pray bring him with you; I shall be
glad to afford him the opportunity of seeing the magnificence of
my house, that he may have it in his power to say, that avarice
does not reign at Bagdad among persons of quality. You know what
I mean."

Come with me, and I will show you a calmness you have not dreamed...
I will paint for you places you have not seen.

The prince of Persia and Ebn Thaher were a long time engaged in
viewing the magnificence of the place, and expressed their
surprise at every thing thing saw, especially the prince, who had
never beheld any thing like it. Ebn Thaher, though he had been
several times in that delicious place, could not but observe many
new beauties, In a word they never grew weary in admiring so many
singularities, and were thus agreeably employed, when they
perceived a company of ladies richly appareled sitting without,
at some distance from the dome, each of them upon a seat of
Indian plane wood inlaid with silver filigree in compartments,
with instruments of music in their hands, waiting for orders to
play. They both went forward, and had a full view of the ladies,
and on the right they saw a great court with a stair up from the
garden, encompassed with beautiful apartments. The slave had left
them, and being alone, they conversed together; "For you, who are
a wise man," said the prince of Persia, "I doubt not but you look
with a great deal of satisfaction upon all these marks of
grandeur and power; for my part, I do not think there is any
thing in the world more surprising. But when I consider that this
is the glorious habitation of the lovely Schemselnihar, and that
the greatest monarch of the earth keeps her here, I confess to
you that I look upon myself to be the most unfortunate of all
mankind, and that no destiny can be more cruel than mine, to love
an object possessed by my rival, and that too in a place where he
is so potent, that I cannot think myself sure of my life one
moment."

Ebn Thaher, hearing the prince of Persia speak, replied, "Sir, I
wish you could give me as good assurance of the happy success of
your passion, as I can give you of the safety of your life.
Though this stately palace belongs to the caliph, who built it on
purpose for Schemselnihar, and called it the palace of eternal
pleasures, and though it makes part of his own palace, yet you
must know that this lady lives here at absolute liberty. She is
not beset by eunuchs to be spies upon her; this is her private
house, absolutely at her disposal. She goes into the city when
she pleases, and returns again, without asking leave of any body:
and the caliph never comes to see her, but he sends Mesrour, the
chief of his eunuchs, to give her notice, that she may be
prepared to receive him. Therefore you may be easy, and give full
attention to the concert of music, which, I perceive,
Schemselnihar is preparing for you."

Just as Ebn Thaher had spoken these words, the prince of Persia,
and he, saw the favourite's trusty slave giving orders to the
ladies to begin to sing, and play with the instruments: they all
began immediately to play together as a prelude, and after they
had played some time, one of them began to sing alone, and
accompanied herself at the same time admirably upon her lute,
being informed beforehand upon what subject she was to sing. The
words were so agreeable to the prince of Persia's sentiments,
that he could not forbear applauding her at the end of the
couplet. "Is it possible," cried he, "that you have the gift of
knowing people's hearts, and that the knowledge of what is
passing in my mind has occasioned you to give us a taste of your
charming voice by those words? I should not express myself
otherwise, were I to choose." The lady made no reply, but went on
and sung several other stanzas, with which the prince was so
affected, that he repeated some of them with tears in his eyes;
which discovered plainly enough that he applied them to himself.
When she had finished, she and her companions rose up and sung a
chorus, signifying by their words, that the full moon was going
to rise in all her splendour, and that they should speedily see
her approach the sun. Intimating, that Schemselnihar was coming,
and that the prince of Persia would soon have the pleasure of
beholding her.

(uematsu nobuo - two hearts not captured, towards the gate (piano))
Yet,

I can no longer sit still. I can't read these stories anymore. I can't use the passive voice, I can't talk -about- what I'm talking about, I just have to say what I say.

The words glow, burn, char, and strip away. Like paper burning.

I'll show you what they leave, purged and burned and stripped away.
I'll show you heat.

(uematsu nobuo - passing sorrow (piano))

I'll show you where all the stories end and life begins. I've finally crossed it. That place where the credits roll and the drive off into the distance.

Let me explain. Once, my friend had a promotional program that shipped with his video card, a kind of little world designed by the engineers that you could walk around in, that showcased how pretty the card could get. In it was a little island in the sunset. Well, you were prevented from going into the water, leaving the island, exposing the dream.

But I managed to find a bug and swim into the sea. Towards the sunset I went, laughing about it at the time. We found that the entire sky was represented as a gigantic geodesic dome (triangles, epcot center etc.), and the sun was a shining translucent sprite, the name for a creature of only two dimensions in a 3-d world.

I've crossed through that wall. And found the place where life sits on the other side. I've stuck my head through it and I only need to go a little faster to get my body through.

I want you to see.

Let me try again.
In Japanese, the way you express want and need is somewhat blurred. As is the way you project your need onto others. "nani ka, hitsuyo nan desu" might explain that something is necessary with the looming implication that if someone's telling you this, you're involved.

"Fujisan wa mitai da yo" will tell someone about your wants. Almost petulantly informing them, dragging them into your affairs. Dude, I want to see Mt. Fuji, man... (Yeah? What's it to ya?)

But there is a way to stretch out and tell someone about your wants for others. To tell them what you want -for- them. "Tanoshiku natte hoshii da." I want you to get happy. Removing the strings from it. "Tanoshiku shite dake de iin da." I just want you to be happy. Even more literally, just you being happy is enough.

So let me say it like that. I want you to see, I want you to be able to try and hear my voice through my jaw, I want you to put your chin on my shoulder, stand on your toes, and see next to my eyes. I want -for- you to see twice the sunlight most people get their whole lives. I want you to see the sun through mine too. Even if I have to reflect it off the surface of mine when I look at you.

I don't know if it'll be easy for you to hear any of this. I know that there'll be winter for your heart ahead, no matter how anything works out, but I want you to know that for you, I will always give you as much warmth as I can.

I will always love you. I will always want to be with you. I will always want these things for you. There's a few things I can do about it, too.

(uematsu nobuo - melodies of life (piano))
So show me a new sunrise, through your eyes. Show me how the colors are different through those irises. Reflect the sun into my eyes and blind me with a light I'm unused to. Scare the shit out of me and keep me jumping. Dance and be silly, and loosen me up and teach me how.

Show me how to be strong the way you are, and I'll show you how to be strong the way I am. Steadfast. Let's ride together up the coast and see what can be seen that day. Even if it's nothing we'll know, as we never would if we didn't.

Sing to me about the things I never heard, the things I was dumb enough to skip along the way. Fill the holes in the places I never got to or wouldnt notice. And I'll ramble on about places far away. Like this, we'll do more than keep each other amused.

Hold on to me, to keep me from slipping away. Glue my feet to the floor, because there are times I'm rocket powered. And I'll oil your path so you can't get enough traction to fidget.

Teach me how to climb mountains, and I'll teach you how to hang around in corners. Tell me jokes that I won't be able to take, and I'll die laughing. And I'll tell you how to be ticklish as I am after all these years.

Let me stay with you, sometime. Because we've always been going in and out of each other's lives, at great speed and with great friction. Possibly because I'm a prick. But I like to think you've seen a little more in me than that. Something in your eyes the way you look at me tells me it's true.

Without you, how will I live my life in constant surprise? Everyone -else- is navigable. Can't you see me? I want to go through as much of life as possible with the anticipating look on the face of a kid you're playing peek-a-boo with. Gasp. Whoa! Like that.

I think I could learn a few more languages to talk to you in. And a few more chords. I'll see a few more places in these years to come. You and me, we've got fires burning pretty brightly in our hearts. Sometimes it comes out as ambition, sometimes excitement, and sometimes, just the devil. Sometimes silliness, sometimes batshit fucking insanity. Sometimes I get my shoulder bit.

And all of that makes me so happy. You make me so happy. Just by being there. Do you know that? Do you -really- know that? Does it go from your eyes and ears like lightning through your body into the floor?

I'd like to think that no matter what, if these 'intervening' years pass, and I get some purchase, some grip on some things in this world, some slack, to get around on, like money and jobs and things like that, that I could make my way around on,

I'm enough of a bloody-minded bastard to believe that when that day comes and things are running a -bit- too smooth, well, I know that they'll be like butter for you, and so...

Like we promised, I'll come and wreck it. I will make your life so interesting again you'll go crazy and fidget and screw up your sentences shouting at me and yell like you haven't in years.

And then, just like now, just like three years ago, I will look at you so deeply and intently you get uncomfortable, (but I'm only trying to look at you with more eyes than I've got,) and I'll tell you I love you. And it'll probably screw up your life and make you upset.

But I will -always- love you. And there's no hiding it from you.

I love you, K______. With all the joy, love, and admiration in the world. In my world. In this world.

Now do something about it.

I will take care of you.

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