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Carry on my wayward son,
There'll be peace when you are done.
Lay your weary head to rest,
Don't you cry no more.

Once I rose above the noise and confusion,
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion.
I was soaring ever higher,
But I flew too high...

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man;
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man;
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming,
I can hear them say...

Carry on my wayward son,
There'll be peace when you are done.
Lay your weary head to rest,
Don't you cry no more.

Masquerading as a man with a reason,
My charade is the event of the season.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well...
It surely means that I don't know.

On a stormy sea of moving emotion,
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean,
I set a course for winds of fortune,
But I hear the voices say...

Carry on my wayward son,
There'll be peace when you are done.
Lay your weary head to rest,
Don't you cry no more.
No!

Carry on, you will always remember,
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor,
The center lights around your vanity,
But surely heaven waits for you...

Carry on my wayward son,
There'll be peace when you are done.
Lay your weary head to rest,
Don't you cry (don't you cry no more)...

...

Waiting for the break of day,
Searching for something to say.
Flashing lights against the sky,
Giving up I close my eyes.
Sitting cross-legged on the floor,
25 or 6 to 4?

Staring blindly into space,
Getting up to splash my face.
Wanting just to stay awake,
Wondering how much I can take.
Should I try to do some more,
25 or 6 to 4?

Feeling like I ought to sleep,
Spinning room is sinking deep.
Searching for something to say,
Waiting for the break of day.
25 or 6 to 4?
25 or 6 to 4?

World turns black and white...
Pictures in an empty room...
Your love starts fallin' down,
Better change your tune.
Reach for the golden ring,
Reach for the sky,
Baby just spread your wings...

Chorus:
We'll get higher and higher straight up we'll climb,
We'll get higher and higher leave it all behind.
Run, run, run, away
Like a train runnin' off the track,
The truth gets left behind,
And falls between the cracks.
Standing on broken dreams,
But never losing sight...
Spread your wings.

Chorus

So baby dry your eyes, save all the tears you've cried
Ohh that's what dreams are made of
Oh, baby we belong in a world that must be strong
Ohh that's what dreams are made of

Chorus

Higher and higher who knows what we'll find
And in the end on dreams we will depend
'Cause thats what love is made of.


(uematsu nobuo - travel agency (piano))
There's no doubt in my mind of what I saw that night that turned to day. That everything was changed from there. That what I saw, was...what they call enlightenment. Ever since then, even if it has been covered up, every time I have peered into it again, everything has been electric. By that I mean a kind of fluid that is carried by everything, connecting everything, flowing through everything.

(uematsu nobuo - thunder plains (piano))
Not that I know what to do with it, or with myself, but I'm not exactly sure that that's the point. Doesn't change the fact that I'm kinda spacey and headstrong as hell. Doesn't change the fact that I lose stuff and nearly get killed, or at least that's how people put it.

But risk and danger are things that don't actually happen to you. They just sit and not happen. What -did- happen to me?

Who am I now? No, not that I actually wonder about that. I am very clear about not thinking about such a useless question. But in the way that you maneuver a camera around, that you finagle some tricks with mirrors, you obliquely approach taking a picture of yourself that makes it look like you're not trying to look at you. No, I'm not in this picture of me. It's only me there.

Let's just say it's kinda like the passive voice. Maybe I can ride like a man possessed. Possessed by who? Don't worry about that. Don't worry about who's driving if you feel driven. Don't worry about who's pushing if you feel pushed.

Don't worry about who's thinking if you hear a thought or two.

(uematsu nobuo - attack)
Ahh, I'm screwing it up again. I gotta stop fiddling with it, or I'll break it. Like my bike, I only work if you don't have your fingers in everything and you got it all closed up and bolted down before you go. What makes the system break? Additions to the powertrain. Turbos, slip-ons, custom fuel maps, bored-out cylinders, bigger injectors.

Just saying, you gotta be careful how you run. Man, that rear tire just steps out. Look at what happened to Nicky Hayden at Le Mans this year when it got wet. Off the bike, through the air, right away, bouncing and rolling, his bike too. Dropped to his knees and crumpled, smashing his fists into the mud.

...

I need a hug.

I just got a ticket for 107 in a 55. I don't really wanna talk about it, but damn, does it hurt. It hurts less to lay down a motorcycle than get this, -I can tell you-. Trust a cop to make your day dreary. (Doesn't sound as manly if I don't say 'as hell' at the end, huh?) This is because I put safety first, fun second (although it's best when they merge and I get confused which one's on top), and obeying the law at a distant third. Oh, now I'm hosed. Now you really can't show this to anybody.

I guess if you scratch the surface with shit like this, you'd probably find some kind of libertarian nutball. But only because I prefer negotiating with my fellow man than someone who's become an arm of the government. I believe less in my country as an abstract thing than my grandfather did, because I see it more as a collection of all its people. And I can only believe in people, a few at a time. As many as I can at once.

I guess the lesson you can walk out of the Gap with (some people are lucky if they get -that- far) is that there's a right speed for everything. Places like the Gap, well, the right speed is based on doing the things you love. Try that one mile outside the Gap and you will get nailed just like me. So I'll hope I can get this worked out without too much pain (like jail time, or losing my bike) and be the most well-behaved boy in the world outside of places like Mt. Lemmon or the track.

Sigh...

Phew. I'll try to put it out of my mind.

I hope that this is a good capstone for my story of what's happened to me, what I've happened to be(come), in this place. This beautiful valley with mountains and horses and rapids and then, madness. I'll tell you right now that I didn't feel very contrite in front of that officer who was angrily asking me what the hell I was thinking doing 107 in a 55. All I said was, "Really? I wonder if my speedometer's broken." This is actually not because I'm a prick. It's actually because I have developed such a tolerance for speed that at the end of this week the bike is not pulling as hard, and 85 doesn't feel fast anymore. 100 feels comfortable on that big road. 145 is fun except I need a bigger windscreen. I hope this explains to you how crazy I am, having this deadened increased aliveness. This numbness that is combined with a stronger pulse of life. Because bikers kick hard when they lay down.

I will never ride this way when you are behind me. Ever.

I brought my bike to Wheeler's for an oil change and buying junk, and to talk to him one more time. What a great guy. All fun. I don't know if there's a safe place for him outside of the Gap or the track. But I bet he has better manners than me. He gave my bike a once-over and said his wife'd have a hissy fit if he didn't check my bike before I took off. My chain is making a little bit of chatter so I was glad he did.

On my way out toward the Smoky Mountains Parkway (where I was going to check out that twisty, toward my ticket), I saw that stout old guy again, on that moped, same road, out of Robbinsville. I wave to him every time (aren't you glad? I wave to mopeds engaged in awesome endeavors), but he always looks so serious about his going down that hill at 55. He just looks at me without moving his head and rides steadily.

"Thank you!!!"
"Please pay for gas!!"
-Incomplete broken messages from the Robbinsville Texaco gas pump.

(uematsu nobuo - besaid island (piano))
I think that for everything you do that you don't know if you'll win or lose, on the way, if you win, if it was really a challenge, on the way you'll find the thing that made you the person you are when you win. Every time, somewhat different, or entirely different. Every time changing you into something that's more you than you were before, every time a surprise.

Finding that thing is like winning, whatever happens. Winning just seals it onto you. And I think that maybe that's what awards were originally about, before they were meant to be seen by others.

Hey, thanks for talking to me when I sent you that text message. I know we just shitted around, but you know I love talking to you. And anyway, if someone's dodging uncomfortable subjects it's me. I know how to stare a corner down and lean into it, I don't know how to stare this down and lean into it. So I just get on the brake and back off.

I'll tell myself it's because I want to get it all out in person, that it's because nothing will change because it doesn't have to, at this distance.

Believe me. I say that to myself. Believe me. I say that to your heart. Waiting for you to put a foot over the edge instead of your head.

Drag a knee, why don't ya.

Love, joy, and admiration,
and a whole lot more,
even when I've kinda screwed it up.
-T.

C____: where you at now
required: georgia
Okay, bro, don't even yell at me
I know
I got a ticket for 107 in a 55
C____: shitty
lol i got pulled over for over 90 in a 55
and no ticket
required: fuuck
C____: not even a writin warning
required: holy shit
C____: like over 90 multiple times
he was behind me for like 5 miles
AND i passed 4 cars at once over 90
required: dude, west cops are totally cool compared to the rest of the fucking country, it seems
all the country cops are stiff asses
C___: seems so joel got a ticket in the van we took in i______
required: hahaha
yeah, even the il_____ cops are assholes
a buddy of mine got stopped while I was in his truck when I was there
almsot had to give his license up as bond
but I am like five fucking times better at least and I am so stoked to get to the track
I have so much to tell you about the trip
C___: awsomeness
required: so hold your horses while I drive 65 the whole way back :)
C___: maybe you should get back here then
LOL
you wont
you cant
required: I can, and I will
C___: lol i am getting crazier and crazier
its bbaaaddddd
required: I get bored and tuck just to get comfy
Oh yeah
I hit 145 and I found I need a back cowl and a double bubble
C___: hum iv only gone 136
just hold on tighter
pussy
required: Dude, I was fucking glued to the bike
it was the curvature of my spine that was causing the turbulence
C___: ha
required: I'd have to get 4 inches shorter to fix it
C___: or those huge bags on there
required: no bags at the time
C___: humm
required: I had them off the whole time I was at the gap
C___: well yeah get the rear race cowl
but i fucking hate double bubbles
required: why?
C___: i think they looks like ish
required: hehehe
unless they're IRIDIUM! LOL!
C___: lol i want a mirrored visor for my helmet
i think it would be sick
required: ya, it's happening
hopefully the fucking state of north carolina doesn't take all my money, my bike, and jail me
C___: ha they wont COME after you
besides you address is in hawaii
your safe here
required: yeah, but I have a mandatory court date
or I'll be warranted for arrest
C___: call them and ask about just giving them money again
required: no, that's kansas
that's over
C___: i know call again
required: this is like, I gotta talk to the DA and ask him what I can do to plead this down
C___: ahhh
required: pretty much as bad as kevin's, only I didn't run
C___: ha
required: they radared me a long ass way back and stopped me after they had me read
I was going 65 when I saw the police car
tops
C___: ahh
required: but that guy walked out into the road, stared me down and waved me off like "You, asshole! Yeah, you! Get the fuck over here."
C___: shitty
required: He was like, "Can you explain to me what you were doing 100 in a 55 for?"
C___: ha fun?
required: I just looked at him and said, "Really? Is there something wrong with my speedo?"
hahahha
I don't know about you but I think that's hilarious
C___: lol what did he say
required: Started in on the "Oh, we got you on radar. Want me to get the two guys who radared you to come down?"
cocksuckers
C___: ha
shit y
required: I don't even know if that guy with the radar was a cop
I'm gonna find out
this shit is getting fought
C___: ha aight
required: because I'm not driving back to the fucking gap for a court date
I am gonna postpone it until these officers die
C___: lol
required: and then I am gonna finagle some more
C___: dooo it
required: and then I am gonna plead it down
and then I'm going to leave the country once they get fed up and just issue a warrant
hopefully I should have a college degree and a foreign language ready by then
:P
all right, I'm sufficiently vented and I told a good story. I'm gonna crash out and see you in a few, bro

Things I didn't see before I left the Gap:
The Blowing Rock: unique geological formation where snow falls up
Scottish Tartans Museum: if it's not Scottish, it's not here
World's Largest Ten Commandments: can be seen from orbit