reply 2

And this is going to be a short letter.
Just something to look at, like bad pop art, while you consider other things going on.
And I don't know, maybe you could tell me why you are out there. I figured it would come out eventually, but I'd much rather hear it on some mountain top or in some fiery hell or under water than on a screen. I always kind of feel like things move too quickly on a screen.
I'm kind of nervous. Actually nervous is my middle name. The meaning of nervous being inherently about your nerves, and when they shake and roll because of something going on that you are unsettled with. That's right?
Anyway, my mom writes to tell me, after many a discussion about moving, that my dad has decided to apply to newjob in _____ as well as applying to ______ and __ _____ (where I entered the world). Ugh, mom can't leave sister in ______, as she is obviously tied by some umbilical cord to her high school. My dad, two years away without my mom? That doesn't sit right with me. Well, not with my nerves anyway. They are jumpy and letting me know.
Can you imagine though? My home base would no longer be in ______, we're talking ______ or _____ here. Oh my god. I'm happy for that, but it'll be pulling teeth til then. I'm seeing rough roads ahead.
I hope you aren't.
Love, joy, AND admiration. Hahaha!

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Bad pop art? That's harsh. I wish your family well, though. 2 years is a long time. These are places your dad would like to work, though, right? Hard to pick.

All roads ahead of me are rough. I brought it on myself. I'm sorry.

I remember when at the age of 5, my mom moved me out of ______. I was actually totally pissed. Around high school time I don't know what I would have thought. People get attached to places, you know? The land is a living thing. When I pulled up my roots, they hardened and dried a little bit. I got off the plane in _______ and the first thing I wanted to do a week later was get onto another plane and keep going. You get this scared, possessed, excited, imminent feeling. I've got it now, but it's part of something much greater.

You know, my home base is basically just my buddies now. And even that, well, it's not the same. I haven't really been home, since, when...five years ago? Maybe?

Home is where my life isn't in so many pieces. But there's really only just one that makes all the others whole.

Today:
"Unattended children will be given espresso and a puppy."
"If you have the time, isn't everywhere walking distance?"
-Signs at _______ Inn

I barely made it. Must have drove 20, 30 miles with my fuel light on. Gas stations on the way have 85, 87 octane, and that's it. And that won't do it.

Found a good set of twisties on the state 50 out of Grand Junction, Colorado.

As I left Delta where I last wrote you, I stared at the Rockies for half an hour, and then drove into them. There's still snow, and the road goes over open pasturelands, down into snowy, tight valleys with icy creeks, and then back up to Blue Mesa Lake. And it is blue, bluer than anything I have ever seen.
--

I don't know what the right decision is. I know that whatever decision I make, if it ends badly there'll be no solace. Which means it is totally out of my hands. Sort of like riding a motorcycle with your eyes closed.

But I'll tell you, because I can feel the inexorable pull. Part of that imminent feeling. Could probably graft your nerves into my numbed arm and I'd never know they weren't mine. That's enough out of me.

Before you read this, though, make sure you read everything that's on that flash drive. I'm not trying to be anal about this, but my thoughts are all strung out as it is without switching the order around. So let me know when you're done.