page 5

You look at the hill one last time, all the details pressed and flowing into your mind,
and then you slip the helmet over your head and frame it in the arc of primary peripheral.
The field of view of someone going ahead and looking ahead, very quickly.

--

I didn't realize it. All that time, knowing what happened but being able to remember nothing,
all the real, and none of the details. But all I knew was hidden from me, a case around a frame
protecting the one thing that still burned, protecting it from knowing.

I walked to the ocean, because I didn't believe it was real, and put my hands down to wash the
sand from my legs. The coldness of the water was the only other thing I could feel so deeply.
As I walked back to the bike and put my armor back on, the hot sensation of the sun at my back
was only cooled where the water had been.

I miss you.


They weren't kidding at the motorcycle school when they said you look where you go, and you go
where you look. After I got in touch with you I just sat on my bike and stared at the phone,
down, at the ground.

I can't remember the words, but I remember the thoughts, and the feelings, but those don't occur
in words we can say, you know? But I want you to know that I'm doing this for you. I'm doing
this for everybody. That much we should both be able to remember.


______: If you see a little white pickup truck with this _______ plate, honk, wave, and thank
him. Gave me a lot of tips and advice for the next place to go.


________ is not north of ______. Lies, lies lies. So I was looking around for this big
cloud of smog, but I couldn't see it until the sunset: the burning orange sun blasting through it
as I rolled down the ____.

I'd never seen the arrays of factories before. I'd seen one or two, all alone in the middle of
the desert, for example, but all lined up, all the way to the coast? These are the machines that
power the things that make the things we use.

Ways my bike has been referred to:
"rocket": "I've never seen a rocket with so many bags on it."
"that thing": "Where you going to park that thing?" (Wherever I damn well please.)


Man, people are always having fights in hotels, in the middle of their vacations. Guess that's
a plus for traveling alone. I only have me to fight with--and I'm hard to fight with.


Session Start (______:_____ ): Fri Mar 30 20:12:50 2007
[20:12] _____ _: did you go with the white or gsxr two tone
[20:13] _______:: white
[20:13] _____ _: aw
[20:13] _______:: the white is bad ass
[20:13] _____ _: it is
[20:13] _____ _: I need to get the hell out of here
[20:13] _______:: where are you?
[20:14] _____ _: I'm starting to drive like a __________
[20:14] _______:: ha
[20:14] _______:: are you in _______?
[20:14] _____ _: ya, somewhere in _______
[20:14] _____ _: I learned how to split lanes today
[20:14] _______:: lol
[20:14] _______:: how was that?
[20:14] _____ _: AWESOME
[20:14] _______:: ugh
[20:14] _______:: that scares me
[20:15] _____ _: it's not like I was going 90
[20:15] _______:: yeah going like 20 though that shit scares me
[20:15] _____ _: hehe
[20:15] _____ _: totally rocks during rush hour jams though
[20:15] _______:: ha i bet man
[20:16] _____ _: so I heard about these twisties in ____ _____
[20:16] _______:: lol
[20:16] _____ _: apparently a lot of car commercials get filmed there
[20:16] _______:: lol
[20:16] _______:: who did you meet
[20:17] _____ _: this dude in a pickup truck who stopped and asked me if I was broke down when I was lubing my chain
[20:17] _______:: lol
[20:17] _____ _: real nice guy. Told me to have a "bitchin" road trip
[20:17] _______:: at least some one cares
[20:17] _____ _: heh
[20:18] _______:: so how is the highway riding?
[20:18] _____ _: well, since I have the tank bag
[20:18] _____ _: at about 114 I really wish I could put my head down
[20:19] _______:: lol
[20:20] _____ _: otherwise it's no big deal
[20:20] _____ _: bike gets all limbered up after you ride it fast for a while
[20:20] _______:: lol
[20:20] _______:: or you do
[20:20] _____ _: that too
[20:21] _______:: ugh
[20:22] _______:: the guy i bought the bike from
[20:22] _____ _: what
[20:22] _______:: "i dont like having my headlight on so i just cut the wire"
[20:22] _______:: WHAT?!?!
[20:22] _____ _: hahaha
[20:22] _____ _: hahaha
[20:22] _______:: i had to ride around with the brights on for a trip
[20:22] _____ _: what a squid
[20:22] _______:: freaken crazy people man...
[20:22] _______:: lol
[20:22] _______:: gota go find this damn wire now...
[20:22] _______:: in the dark...
[20:22] _______:: son of a bitch...
[20:22] _____ _: hahaha
[20:23] _____ _: go to the hot ace
[20:23] _______:: i did!!
[20:23] _____ _: wtf
[20:23] _____ _: no dice
[20:23] _______:: super hottie there tonight
[20:23] _____ _: yes
[20:23] _______:: i just need to plug some wire back in apparently
[20:23] _____ _: so he didn't cut it, just unplugged it?
[20:24] _______:: i dunno..
[20:24] _______:: .he said cut
[20:24] _______:: but he said to just plug it back in
[20:24] _______:: soooooo
[20:24] _______:: in other words he is not so smart
[20:24] _____ _: what a nutball
[20:24] _____ _: did you pay his price on craigs?
[20:24] _______:: 3800
[20:24] _____ _: hmm
[20:24] _______:: goood price for that bike
[20:24] _____ _: you know, dude, if that R1 still comes available, we should split the price and make it a race bike
[20:25] _____ _: start an amateur racing team :p
[20:25] _______:: lol
[20:26] _____ _: you know it would e sweet
[20:26] _______:: yeah you ride and hurt yourself ill fix that shit
[20:26] _____ _: excelelnt
[20:26] _____ _: I feel no pain
[20:26] _____ _: will buy burger even if footpeg is gone
[20:26] _______:: lol
[20:29] _____ _: did you watch faster?
[20:29] _______:: yyyeeeaaahhh
[20:29] _______:: its awsome
[20:29] _____ _: hehe
[20:29] _____ _: "get that stretcher away from me"
[20:30] _______:: lol
[20:31] _____ _: dude, after riding over 75 miles on a bike in a straight line, I can say those guys are heroic
[20:31] _____ _: for doing it even faster and cornering
[20:31] _______:: ha
[20:31] _______:: yeah
[20:31] _______:: long ways huh
[20:31] _____ _: I'm gonna have the strongest fuckin neck in the world if it gets any windier
[20:31] _______:: lol
[20:32] _______:: trying to rip you off the bike?
[20:32] _______:: fuuukkk one of the parts i need for the bike...
[20:32] _______:: 60 bucks...
[20:32] _______:: lame
[20:34] _____ _: dam
[20:34] _____ _: actually, the only part that is getting pushed back is my head
[20:34] _____ _: I'd be aerodynamically perfect if I didn't have one
[20:34] _______:: ill get right on that
[20:34] _______:: you should feel the gsxr
[20:35] _______:: its sooo easy to tuck
[20:35] _____ _: sweet
[20:35] _______:: that bike has alot to teach me :P
[20:35] _____ _: I was worried that tiny ass windscreen was going to be a problem
[20:35] _______:: on yours?
[20:35] _____ _: on yours
[20:35] _____ _: my windscreen is fat
[20:35] _______:: yeah no
[20:35] _____ _: heh
[20:35] _______:: i think mines bigger honestly...
[20:35] _____ _: no shit
[20:36] _______:: yeah
[20:36] _____ _: has he got an aftermarket one?
[20:36] _______:: well the front fairing is huge
[20:36] _______:: naw
[20:36] _______:: its a fatty bike
[20:36] _____ _: seriously though, the gsxr has a wider front?
[20:36] _______:: seems like it
[20:36] _____ _: wow
[20:36] _______:: ill go compare to and get back to you
[20:36] _____ _: I'll go shower
[20:37] _______:: you in a hotel?
[20:37] _____ _: ya, it's a long story
[20:37] _____ _: first time I've done so though
[20:37] _______:: how has that been so far?
[20:37] _____ _: other times was couch surfing, bbbaby
[20:37] _______:: really
[20:37] _______:: just showed up at a random persons house or another rider or what?
[20:37] _____ _: nah, I know people in ___ _____ and ______
[20:38] _______:: ahh
[20:38] _____ _: dude, no other sport rider would house me
[20:38] _______:: lol
[20:38] _______:: i dunno
[20:38] _____ _: "wtf are these bags dude fuck off"
[20:38] _______:: rofl
[20:38] _______:: true
[20:38] _____ _: but I am perfect
[20:38] _____ _: 100% of space filled, exactly
[20:39] _______:: nice nice
[20:39] _____ _: all right, dude
[20:39] _____ _: let me know if someone in ______ owes you money
[20:40] _______:: lol
[20:40] _______:: nope
[20:40] _______:: l8r mang!
Session Close (_____): Fri Mar 30 20:48:49 2007

A million highways, a million junctions extending outward--and ending, missing the termination to
their thought. I love you, and you're the other part of me. The me that's more than I am.

--


I met a guy at the CVS when I was buyin' a toothbrush. "Morning rider, huh?" he said. Turns out
he used to ride a Yamaha, going nuts with speed when he was in college. "But you know, it's
a different mentality. You are bachelor, single, young. Your mind, is dangerous, you don't give
a damn. Now, I drive like this--" he clenches up over an imaginary steering wheel. "Man, you're
scaring me. I'm gonna have to ride even faster now," I said.

That's the thing, though. If you stop to give a damn, at 90+mph, you're going to go a few car
lengths before you figure yourself out. There has to be "a smooth flow of thought to action," or
you'll die.


Some of the things I say might seem strange, obvious, or surprising. Well, I tend to get myself into situations of greater misery than you. Not that I'm pitying myself, but if I've found
trouble, you know I brought it down on myself.

I've seen the 'world out there.' And I can tell you it doesn't get any bigger than it is. The
only thing that makes it open up is the size of your heart and your head. And those you can have
even if you're still too young, or still too poor, or still far away from 'everything.' All those things are better sacrificed for this.


You don't understand. I've seen things I can't explain so easily--fog merging with smog over the marina, a contrail from a jet tearing downward, from a place higher than the sky, framed by beat-up buildings, making it appear so close you could lay your hands on the oil in the painting.
So if I'm not taking too many pictures, suck it. This isn't ______ Highways.


I don't mind the waiting, here. I remembered something I've been avoiding for a while. People's faces. I was hiding from the fact that I love people. Every last one of 'em. So now I look 'em in the eyes like I used to. And it feels good again, to see what I see in there.


I love you.


Tomorrow, when I set out again, I know the freeways will bleed away and the road will lose the super-hard lined cement that bounces me up and down with its repetitive unevenness. I'll get out to the interstate, and the buildings and mountains will recede too. Eventually, all that'll be left is just me, the bike, and the double yellow line. All I'll have with me is the bike, singing to me. Singing to me about all of these things.


"That as the
wind bears with it the sweet scents of the perfumed places over
which it passes, so the wine he was going to drink, coming from
her fair hands, received a more exquisite flavour than it
naturally possessed."
-A Thousand and One Nights

"After this misfortune I would have embraced death without any
reluctance, had it presented itself to me. But what we wish,
whether it be good or evil, will not always happen according to
our desire."
-A Thousand and One Nights